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Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. She got on the scale and it read 117 so she won a prize. When the ride was over, John again asked Kim what she would like to do. The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next. By this time, John figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake.

Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton wadding, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How'd it go? " So the dentist says, "Okay, we'll have to go with the gas." The cowboy replies, "Absolutely not. I'm not having gas." So the dentist steps out and comes back with a glass of water, "Here," he says. " The doc replies, "Viagra." The cowboy looks surprised and asks, "Will that kill the pain?

" A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party.

When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit." "And why not darling? "You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning." DEATH While walking along the pavement in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and John lost his dollar.

As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass.

As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!

When she enters the bathroom, she finds that there is barely enough water in the bath to cover the bath plug. " OPINIONS On the first day of school, a new starter handed his teacher a note from his mother.

His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to ask, "So, how long have you been wearing one? " ORSM VIDEO One day, the wife comes home with a spectacular diamond ring. That night, the wife asks her husband to run her a nice warm bath while she gets undressed. "Well," he replies, "We don't want to get your lotto ticket wet, do we?? NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!

Lets just get our fingers out of our arses thinking that we humans are the centre of the universe. The IT industry must be back in the boom times if this entry is any indicator.

Thought you might like this traditional South African sick note, only submitted today as you will see, so it is fresh. I wonder if it's his Mum's car that he borrowed hoping she wouldn't notice?

I have already warned my staff that this would not be acceptable for 6 weeks leave. It keeps me sane and I look forward to them every week. Just a number plate I saw when leaving Uni yesterday. Saw this Subaru Forester parked in a disabled bay at Floreat Forum shopping centre last weekend.

Why spend a few minutes lying on a mattress in the store when you could try one for 100 nights — in your bedroom?

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